Sunday, Oct. 19
Yaounde, Cameroon
Men have hassled me far less in Cameroon than some of the other countries I’ve visited. Until, that is, I arrived in Yaounde.
Here in the capital, men hiss at me from the side of the road, yell “Cherie, tu es belle!” (My dear, you’re beautiful!), or ask if I’m married without even bothering to say hello. My white skin apparently has dollar signs all over it.
But it doesn’t much bother me because these Cameroonians aren’t hassling me in a threatening manner like some of the other West African men I’ve enountered. Most of the would-be suitors here aren’t persistent, and after I ignore them once, they usually leave me alone.
In fact, for many of these guys, approaching me seems to be a game, simply to see how I’ll react with the slight chance they’ll get lucky. So when I’m in the mood, I play back with them, particularly those who ask for my hand in marriage.
“Oh, you want to be my second husband?” I reply, turning the polygamy that’s so popular here on its head. “I’ve already married one man.” That dissuades a whole lot of the bunch.
Sometimes, at their urging, I tell them about my (imaginary) husband who is waiting for me in the States. I’ve talked so much about him on this trip that I half expect him to pick me up at the airport when I arrive home.
Occasionally a man asks about my absent wedding ring. It’s not safe to wear it outside of the house, I explain. I’m afraid someone will steal it.
Very seldom — but it does occasionally happen — a man propositions me politely and is so good-looking that I have to kick myself internally to reject him like all the others. Cameroonian men, I must admit, are a hot lot.
But not the guy behind the ice cream counter nearby the church guesthouse where I’m staying, who pursues me every time I go for a scoop. When I went in yesterday for some double chocolate, he again made it clear that he’d like to marry me — or any white woman, for that matter, he said. That takes some of the romanticism out of it, doesn’t it?
I retorted with my favorite line of the bunch, one I figured would throw him off his game.
“You know,” I said, “in my country men do laundry.” I paused for effect, then continued. “Men also cook and wash dishes. And they look after the children.”
The man looked wonderfully horrified. “Oh, no,” he replied in a serious tone. “Not here.”
“See?” I said, unable to hide my amusement. “That’s why it’s impossible.”
With that, I turned and left the shop.
October 20, 2008 at 9:36 am
Last weekend (the 11th) three girls who worked for NGOs in Yaounde stayed at the guest house while visiting Buea. They told me about the marriage proposals and even straight out requests for sex in Yaounde that they got all the time. It got me thinking about the different experiences between foreign men and women in Cameroon.
Turns out, men get sex lobbed at them just as much, except it’s from other men (not the way you think). This past sunday, I decided to take advantage of the oven, invited some friends over and made them pizza (blog post and pictures coming up as soon as I can get this computer to recognize my flash drive). Over the crumbs of the pizza, the discussion eventually led where all social conversations end up, concerning Cameroonian women. Two of the men there wanted to arrange a woman for me. “You won’t even have to pay for it!”
I listend with horror as one of them (I had met him on an earlier occassion and had a similar discussion where I thought he was kidding) told me that he had followed up on his offer and that his “gift” was prepared and ready for me. When I politely declined, he took offense and I spent the next hour trying to explain with as much cultural sensitivity and macho diplomacy as possible why I could not accept his offer. Miraculously, he was impressed with my retorts and we parted ways amiably. I went to sleep that night feeling like I had dodged a bullet.
October 21, 2008 at 7:20 am
I also have an imaginary boyfriend/husband for occasions like that. Im the only woman working with a crew of 60+ guys and they all want to know “where is your husband?” “are you married?” etc…I like how you turned the question back on them. Ill try that next job. I hate lying because I know Im going to goof up someday and get my story wrong. I need to buy a decoy ring so Ill just have to point to it and let them make an assumption. Good luck and post some photos of these Cameroonian hotties!
-Ally
October 21, 2008 at 10:15 am
Lexi…I’m glad you do not feel threatened! Sometimes it is flirtatious and sometimes it’s frightening, but these men sound playful. It must be fun for them to spar with you! But with the Grant Men as models for hubbies, these Cameroonian guys do not have a chance! You forgot to tell them about the ironing! Love reading your writing, Lexi….Love, Aunt Jeannie
October 21, 2008 at 11:53 am
So, a little cooking, cleaning and laundry is all that it would take to propose to you? I’m making a mental note. 😉
Your stories are hilarious, btw.
br
October 21, 2008 at 4:56 pm
My favorite way to handle this problem in Mali was to pull my shirt over the fanny pack strapped to my abdomen and say, “Sure! I’m pregnant with your baby you know!” The various reactions I got to this were priceless.
October 21, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Alexis,
You had me cracking up! I read this entry out loud to my mom (who also found it hilarious). I loved hearing abt this ancedote! I can’t wait to meet your future husband!!!
October 21, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Aunt Jeanie… Are you using Grant men and ironing in the same sentence? I think we must be talking about different Grant men….
October 22, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Interesting to see the ways marriage is viewed in other countries and doesn’t conform to the monogamous standards.
October 23, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Lex,
I wasn’t aware there were fax machines in Africa, because it sounds like you finally got the memo! I thought you were on my team and doing your best to avoid it! Should we be planning a bachelorette party???
October 25, 2008 at 2:52 am
Oh my gosh this is SO FUNNY!
I love every bit of it…haaaahahahahah
July 21, 2009 at 6:00 am
[…] up — but it has personality. (Still not sure what I’m talking about? This post about marriage proposals in Cameroon is a good […]